Greetings lurkers,

It's me, The Happy Camper, your favourite anonymous cyber criminal...

So- 'quelle surprise'- my parents decided they'd rather eat their own shit than have me around for the summer. Which means once again I've been packed off to the summer camp of choice for The Rich, Stupid & Beautiful Offspring Of The Califocracy™.

I speak, of course, of Beaver Falls (the ground zero of sucking).

Yep, I'm spending my summer surrounded by a bunch of tanned morons with more Facebook friends than braincells. So to stay sane, I've decided to liven things up a bit.

How? By hacking the ass out of the place... (Beaver Falls has the lamest firewall you ever saw. I mean, seriously, it's ancient. Like 2008 or something?)

I've already wormed my way into the camp computer system, and for your delectation, I've managed to crack into three counsellor cellphones too... (I decided to do the 3 British guys - they love that phone hacking shit over there, I hear...)

First up is the one they call A-Rab... pretty sure that isn't his real name. Found some photos of him with some girl - aw, don't they look happy? Makes you wanna puke, right? Fear not, dear cynics - he's walking around looking totally miserable, so I reckon he's currently residing in Dumpsville, Arizona...

And then there's Flynn. Seems like he's quite the ladies man- judging by the texts on his phone, he's left a trail of broken hearts behind back home... And finally Barry. Less said about that... Actually, have to admit, the more I hack these losers, the more I like 'em...

So, roll on a summer of snooping. And rest assured, my precious lurkers - if I hack it, I'll post it (*emits evil laugh, twirls moustache, sends CV to Rupert Murdoch*).

Your anonymous friend on the inside,

The Happy Camper

"Information was born free, yet everywhere it lies in chains."